about the love summit for women

DAY TWO: BONUS LESSON & ACTION STEPS 1
Copyright © 2011, Jaime Mintun Provided for LoveYourLifeSummit.com
Day Two: Why Love is a VERB
Bonus Lesson & Action Steps
By: Jaime Mintun &
The hardest question we face in our relationships is “How to keep loving?”
Sometimes the sparks fade, or a numbness sets in. Maybe you start to fight too much or communication halts entirely.
Have you ever wondered whether there’s any love left between you and your partner? We’re just not in love anymore…
In his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey describes a similar exchange with one of his clients. The man tells Covey that he cannot save his marriage. He’s tried everything yet there is no love left between him and his wife.
“Have you tried loving her?” Covey asks.
“I told you, there is no love anymore.”
“But have you tried loving her?” Covey repeats.
A Quick Note From Jaime…
Wooohooo! How was Day Two?
Today we dove right into relationships and the differences between men and women.
My biggest ‘aha’ moment during today’s sessions was the realization that I can only reduce stress when I am nourishing and pampering myself and I’m not in a hurry.
We women do way too much – we’re always in a hurry!
I am committing to put myself first just a little more often, and to give myself love so that I have more of it to give others.
What was your ‘aha’ moment?
Want more? Visit www.olila.com!
DAY TWO: BONUS LESSON & ACTION STEPS 2
Copyright © 2011, Jaime Mintun Provided for LoveYourLifeSummit.com
A potent secret to lasting love exists in Covey’s
simple question. The secret is to stop having
relationships and to start relating. Stay active in
your loving and focus more on how you can give
love to another.
Because love is a VERB. You have to do it.
Every day.
It is a commitment to love fully, and to give of that
love daily – regardless what we receive in return.
I know this isn’t easy. It raises every major fear we
have.
“What if I put myself out there and he just ignores
me? What if I’m nice to him and he still insults me?
Then I’m just letting him get away with it.”
These natural responses come from our fear that
we may no longer be worthy of our partner’s
returned love. We’re scared to act first, to put
ourselves out there and risk rejection or lack of
response.
But we can break that pattern of belief. Because
love is not transactional. We don’t give it just to get
something in return.
Love is something we feel and give no
matter what.
The Second Secret to
Lasting Love:
Give your partner the
freedom to love you in
his or her own way, and
maintain the freedom
to talk – about anything.
{You’ll learn the First
Secret on Day Seven!}
● ● ●
Stop having
relationships and
start relating.
Focus more on how
you can give love to
another and you
will experience
more love.
● ● ●
DAY TWO: BONUS LESSON & ACTION STEPS 3
Copyright © 2011, Jaime Mintun Provided for LoveYourLifeSummit.com
How We Accidentally Destroy Love…
If you ever feel love seeping out of your relationship, there may be very real problems that need to be dealt with – such as infidelity or anger or other forms of mistreatment.
However in most cases, the absence of love that you may feel (and even tangible issues like those mentioned above) is a result of a deceptively simple, yet very sinister and damaging thing:
You’ve stopped communicating.
The #1 thing that destroys a relationship is the assumption that because someone loves us, they must forever be and act a certain way.
We begin to expect and demand certain things from our partner, and they from us. We stop questioning and exploring how the other feels, what he or she believes, where he or she stands on certain topics.
This causes stagnation. It revokes freedom. It forgets the power of communication and expects both partners to stay the same, feel the same, and act the same – always – simply because at some point in the past, they both said, “I love you.”
And so the talking and exploring and relating stops. The people go on changing, growing, feeling different things on different days.
But the relationship stops allowing those changes to be voiced, talked about or explored.
In many relationships, specific topics become taboo, get taken off the table, or are forbidden. And when anything goes unspoken – or one or both of you feel you can’t say whatever you’re feeling or thinking… this creates walls where there should be doors.
You accidentally destroy the safe space in your relationship and force each other to go outside your relationship to feel safe, to openly communicate, and to feel accepted and listened to.
And trust me, I know how hard it is to say “anything goes” in conversation.
DAY TWO: BONUS LESSON & ACTION STEPS 4
Copyright © 2011, Jaime Mintun Provided for LoveYourLifeSummit.com
It means risking that we may hear our partner’s dissatisfaction, or how his or her needs aren’t being met.
It takes away our illusion of certainty in the relationship… to talk about the tough realities we’d rather ignore: like attraction to other people or lack of attraction within the relationship.
Yet when you talk to each other about all the tough stuff, you create a safe space where you are again on the same side of the table, and can solve your challenges together, as partners.
No relationship is perfect. No person is perfect. And we have to live in our relationship – communicate with each other – with this in mind.
I invite you to explore a new way of communicating with your partner, by doing three things:
1. Give yourself permission and freedom to tell your partner everything you feel, fear and need in your relationship. Don’t blame. Simply tell them what you’re experiencing and what you need.
2. Give your partner permission and freedom to tell you the same. It may hurt your feelings. But honor them and what they are feeling. Accept their feedback with love.
3. Commit to give love and kindness to your partner for one week, regardless of how they give love to you.
ACTION STEPS
The first time you talk about anything previously off the table for discussion, a lot of fear may come up for both of you.
Before you have your chat, I recommend you gain clarity on a few things for yourself first. Ask yourself:
• What are some things I want to talk to my partner about… but until now I felt that I couldn’t, or that they didn’t want to hear it?
• What are some things my partner has wanted to share with me that I’ve refused to discuss, or that make me uncomfortable?
Can you and your partner commit to share these in a safe space where you will not judge or blame each other?
If not, can you commit to at least talk about your fear around these topics, rather than the topics themselves? Say to each other, “I’m afraid to talk about ________ and _______ because I’m scared it will mean ___________.”